Hello!
To be completely honest, I have always struggled with finding the right words to adequately tell the story of our angel, Crue. I think it’s extremely important to note that while I explain the magnitude of our loss, you can expect me to be completely vulnerable, raw, and truthful about every step of our journey.
First, let me introduce you to my family! My name is Kelsey Hambrick and I have been married to my husband, Wayne Hambrick for a little over two years. Despite the many detours on our path to finding each other, we were finally introduced by our friends a little over four years ago and the rest is history! I was a single mom to a beautiful little girl named Charleigh prior to meeting Wayne and his coming into our life has been the biggest blessing.
A short time after we started dating, I (shockingly) found out I was pregnant. Due to some injuries that Wayne had endured while overseas in the Marines, we didn’t even think that another child would be in our future at all, much less a few months after meeting. Between being on birth control and his history, you can see why we were so shocked. I know in my heart that Crue was meant to be, he was sent to us for a multitude of reasons.
Fast forward a couple of months, my pregnancy was going as expected. We found out we were having a little boy and we were SO excited. It wasn’t until roughly around the 18-week mark that I just stopped feeling like myself. I noticed more swelling in my face, overall fatigue, and that “off” feeling that you get when you know something isn’t right. If I have any advice at all, it is to NEVER ignore those feelings and always advocate for yourself.
At 19 weeks, I was hospitalized at a small local hospital for the first time due to hypertension and swelling. After multiple rounds of IV medications and PO trials, nothing was bringing my blood pressure down. The doctor on call basically shrugged her shoulders and said that I just had hypertension, as my labs weren’t concerning for pre-eclampsia yet and it was “too early” for that anyway. When I asked about being transferred to a hospital with a higher level of care and a maternal fetal medicine group, the doctor told me that my baby wasn’t viable so there wasn’t a point. At that moment, I shut down. I was discharged the next day and planned to take my concerns to my normal OB in the office. My mother and Wayne went to my next appointment with me and convinced my doctor that I needed to be seen by an MFM doctor for a second opinion. Our concerns were finally heard, and I had my first consultation with UC Maternal Fetal Medicine group and saw Dr. Rossi.
I saw UC MFM doctors weekly starting at 20 weeks. My labs were never incredibly out of range to diagnose me with pre-eclampsia at this point, but everyone knew something was not right. It seemed like every other day I was admitted for blood pressure control and worsening symptoms. Dr. Rossi prepared us to expect an early delivery, little did I know how early it would be.
At 24 weeks, I was hospitalized for the final time. My blood pressure wasn’t responding to medications, and I had some contractions. It wasn’t until the following day that it felt like I had caught the worst case of the flu. That is when rapid changes within my body started taking place. My labs started showing signs of pre-eclampsia, so I was started on magnesium quickly and given steroid shots for his lungs and was sent to UC’s main campus hospital for a higher level of care.
From there, it’s a blur. I don’t remember much besides a team of doctors constantly being at my bedside. I remember having the worst headache of my life without any relief. It was when a doctor asked me to follow her finger to the right and I couldn’t, that I was diagnosed with preeclampsia with severe features. I couldn’t see to my right any longer. They were deeply concerned about swelling in my brain. My coloring was purple, and my face was so swollen that I didn’t look anything like me anymore. It was at that point that the MFM team made the decision to deliver my sweet, Crue. I was only 24 weeks and 4 days.
I write this with tears in my eyes because this is the only thing I truly remember. I begged and pleaded with the doctors to give me more time. I did not want to deliver my baby 16 weeks early. I knew the statistics all too well. Dr. Rossi turned to my fiancé and mother and had a very tough conversation with them. It was either to move toward delivery to give us both a fighting chance or take the risk of losing us both if delivery was delayed. I was deemed incompetent to make my own decisions due to the severity of my case. I still say to this day, Dr. Rossi saved my life.
On December 9th, 2019, at 4:11 pm, Crue Corbett Hambrick was delivered via emergency c-section. He was crying and full of life. Everyone in that OR cheered with happiness as we didn’t know if we would hear that sweet cry. Upon delivery of my placenta, it was noted that it had already started to die. This meant that if Crue wasn’t delivered when he was, he would have been born sleeping. Immediately after the delivery of my placenta, my coloring turned to normal and the pressure in my head was suddenly relieved.
Crue was taken to the NICU with Wayne by his side. He did well for the first 24 hours, during the “honeymoon” period. I wasn’t allowed to see Crue for the first 24 hours due to the magnesium drip that I remained on. It was the longest 24 hours of my life. At just 3 days old, Crue had his first head ultrasound which showed bilateral grade 4 bleeds in his brain. I will never forget that day. We were told so many grim possibilities, but not one doctor was certain of the outcome. My husband and I promised Crue that we would let him tell us what he needed. We would fight alongside him if he was willing to fight. My mental health was struggling, I couldn’t see my daughter due to visitor restriction with flu season, and my baby was battling life threatening complications.
We had an army of people praying for us and for the next couple of days, Crue started to stabilize. Our hope was restored. I knew our journey was going to be tough, but I was ready to do whatever I needed to do to save my baby and give him the best chance possible.
December 18th, 2019, at 3am I received a call from the NICU nurse. There is not a NICU momma on this planet that ever wants to get that call. Calls in the middle of the night typically mean something isn’t going as planned. We were told to get to the hospital as quickly as we could due to some swelling in his abdomen. I knew at that moment that I was losing my baby.
Crue was immediately transferred to Cincinnati Children’s Hospital to get a tube placed in his abdomen to drain some of the infection as there was serious concern for NEC. It took abnormally long for the team at Children’s to allow us to go back and see him after we arrived. Which only made the gut feeling in my stomach grow stronger. When we were finally called back, I saw a team of nurses, RT’s, and doctors surrounding Crue. I remember looking at the monitor and seeing his vitals, he was dying. The team was pushing multiple lifesaving medications with no response.
I never held my baby, and he was dying. I am a nurse as well, but I am a mother first. Of course, I wanted them to save my baby but at what expense to him? I told the team to stop all life-saving measures. I told them that all I wanted to do was hold my baby and that I knew that this was Crue’s way of telling me that he was too tired to fight any longer. I made Crue a promise and I was going to honor that.
My baby died in my arms, and it was the first time that I ever was able to hold him. It was the first time that he ever felt his mother’s warmth here on earth.
The day Crue passed away, I lost a piece of myself forever. My husband Wayne and my daughter Charleigh were my lifesavers. They were the reason that I continued to get up every day. They continued to give my life meaning after losing Crue. If it wasn’t for them, I am not sure that I would be here or at least the version of myself that I am today.
After Crue passed, I made a promise that I would always keep his memory alive. His 9 days of life was going to mean something, and I was going make sure of it. I started a nonprofit, along with our friends who suffered a stillbirth, called The Hayden & Crue Project. We quickly figured out that a lot of our trauma surrounding the loss of our babies was due to being placed on the postpartum and L&D unit with healthy babies and mothers while we were losing ours. So now we are placing Angel Suites in local hospitals as a safe space for mothers and families to spend time with their babies without hearing the triggering sounds of the L&D unit, which will include cuddle cots in them to preserve the babies to allow extra time that is needed. I can’t change what happened to me and my family, but I can help change the trauma that will surround other families on the worst day of their life.
I am happy to say that in November of 2021, we welcomed our rainbow baby. Oliver Crue Hambrick was born November 29, 2021, at 33 weeks and 6 days. He spent 9 days in the NICU at Good Sam and came home just a day shy of Crue’s second birthday. If that doesn’t show that Crue had a hand in his brother’s healing, I am not sure what does.
I am a mother that lost her baby and almost lost herself in the process. I choose to talk about my angel in hopes that it helps another mother feel safe enough to talk about her journey too. I find myself healing when I talk about Crue and share my experience. I will never stop making sure that my son is remembered and that his legacy lives on. Being a loss momma is not a club that anyone wants to be a part of, but it is a club with the most amazing people in it who can be such a great support system.